The Latin Letter You Wish You Had Written

Lately, our Latin class has been focusing a lot on translating Pliny the Younger's letters into English. I have come to the conclusion that Pliny was little more than a pompous prig who was good at writing unintentionally funny letters. Receiving one of these letters would almost be worth putting up with him as a friend. My personal favourite, however, is one that I intend to send to someone myself some day. I'm just waiting for the right person and the right time. The letter reads as follows:

"Olim mihi epistulas non mittis. 'nihil est,' dicis, 'quod scribere possum.' sed hoc scribe, aut, 'si vales, bene est; ego valeo.' hoc mihi sufficit; est enim bonum. quid agis? sine solicitudine magna ignarus esse non possum. Vale."

It all looks very grand in Latin, but the English translation is positively awkward.


"For awhile now, you are not writing me any letters. 'There is nothing,' you say, 'about which I can write.' But write this, or, 'If you are well, it is good; I am well.' This is enough for me; truly, it is good. I am not joking; I am serious. Without great uneasiness it is not possible to be ignorant. Farewell!"


I'm a fan of the hilarious awkwardness of this letter and, as previously mentioned, am holding out for an opportunity to send it to someone. Now if I can just find a correspondent who reads Latin...